Flamming Hot Funyuns

There are two types of people in this world. Those who are down for Les Stroud aka Survivor Man, and those who are down for Bear Grylis aka Man vs Wild. We are, and always have been down for Les from day one. Yes, we've heard all the naysayers claiming Les doesn't sleep in camels, drink his own piss, eat raw zebra leg, or make toboggan's out of two matches and a rubber band. To that we say this: Les don't have a camera crew. Les is all alone. Les doesn't have 10 people helping carve up camels, Les doesn't have a first aid kit. If something goes wrong, Les is screwed. This "Bear" (whose real name is Edward)  has a  safety team for gods sake.  Les SLEEPS out in the wild, Edward sets up (fake) camp then retreats to a tent with his cast mates. 

Here is the problem; Survivor man has been cancelled, and Edward vs. Wild has been picked up gain by discovery. What can we do about this you might be asking yourself? We'll tell ya..... Write a letter to the network. It sounds like a really retarded idea, but it just might work. Yes you can. One time I wrote a letter and it worked. Listen to this story......

I was in 10th grade English class and our assignment was to write a letter to a corporation with an idea or a complaint to see if they would respond. So I thought that i would write a letter to Frito Lay requesting them to mix my two favorite chips, into one. I loved Funyuns....no one likes Fuyuns for some reason, but I friggin love em. Don't eat them too much anymore cuz they arnt really that good for you, but dammit, in high school, they were my bomb. Along with the Funyun, I was also a huge fan of the Flamming Hot Cheeto.   I thought if they could some how combine these two items, we would have ourselves truly incredible, magically delicious, scrumdittlyumtious, amazing bag of crispy flamming hot funyuns!!!!!!  So I wrote the letter, and just like everyone else in the class who wrote to large company's....no one replied.

Fast forward 13 years later. I'm in a 7-11 in Montrose (  remember it like it was yesterday) reaching for a bag a of salty peanuts my eyes caught glimpse of my creation.  Flamming Hot Funyuns!!!!!!  It worked. That was MY idea!!!  They took that, I mean...STOLE that from me. My name wasn't even on the bag?? WTF. Whatever, we all know it was my idea, and if they don't want to admit it, then they're the ones who have to sleep with themselves every night knowing some 15 year old invented the Flamming Hot Funyun.

Anyways...the moral of the story is that Bear Grylis is a fake.