Vegas Sales Meeting

I don't care what anybody tells you. Sales meeting suck. Its like going back to school and I hated school. Squirming in my chair, waiting for recess, or lunch, or really anything besides the desk that i was sitting at. The only positive thing about school, was that there was girls there. So sales meetings are worse than school...cuz there's no girls. People often inquire about the fun that's to be had at these meetings. " Hey man, heard you were in Vegas, that must have been amazing!!"  Well sir, no it was not. I could relate the amazement of a sales meeting, to the amazement of dripping lime juice in your eyeballs for three days strait, with no girls around. Not so much you know?

Off I drove.....yes, i drove. I have a prius, and driving to Vegas in a hybrid is kinda like a sore dick, you just cant beat it.  Cost me $28 in gas, and i don't have to touch dirty airplane seats on a Southwest flight.  And if I'm being honest here, Southwest is kinda like a Greyhound bus with wings...friggin filthy.  Cloth seats on public transportation equals disease. So it took me bout 4 hrs....i reckon about the same time it would to get to the airport, get strip searched and jelly fingered, fly, wait for a cab, and drive to

 the hotel. Plus, its much quieter and i can practice my turrets while driving naked. Something that i couldn't do on the plane....legally anyway.

I arrive at the border, and the definition of Vegas is right there on the side of the rode.  This casino really hit the nail on the head. Why deny it....this guy said, "Screw it", and named his joint....Terrible Casino....Brilliant. I'm guessing by the "s" at the end of terrible that they are having difficulties with the English language. Funny how no one had the courtesy to correct them before the sign went up. You'd think they had spell check at the place where they make signs, but its Vegas so those dudes are probably cracked out.

Soon after i crossed the border i ran into this idiot.  I love vanity plates!!! They're like fat people,  I cant help but to stare in amazement and laugh at the same time. The difference is that vanity plates are much gayer than most fat people, but cost less than 4,763 hamburgers. This one I'm guessing translates to "chasing heaven" hahahahaah. You re driving to Vegas dude. Isn't that considered hell to religious people? I've heard of chasing the dragon....but heaven?  Really? Why the chase? Just kill yourself, and maybe the chase will be over. I'm surprised at the lack of suicide in the religious communities. If heaven's so wonderful...how come they don't just go?  I'm confused.

Got to Vegas, checked in. Spent 3 days in a conference room with small breaks and meals in between. Hanging out with sales managers which is always a blast. These are the men that hold your job over your head. They're similar to a diaper i guess, always on your ass, and often full of shit. Its part of the job, so you have to deal with it.

There is up sides to meetings though. Its the people that are more miserable than you, and in turn, make you feel less miserable yourself. Dewey is one of em. If you gave this guy a 100 bucks he'd find away to complain about it. His nickname is actually Doobie, cuz he like the devils lettuce a bit more than most. He actually told me that there was cameras all over the casino, and  in his room. Paranoid much? I was curious about this, and asked the lady at the desk if such was true. She said no, but with a weird face. Normally this would worry me, but even if they did see me doing weird shit to myself naked in the middle of the floor, it would most likely just look like a guy trying to rub the paint off a tic-tac, and hence, not much to see. 

Vegas Blows, Dewey Rules, and Vanity Plates Are Gay.