F u C K M E

To the woman who crapped in my car.....

To the woman who crapped in my car. - 25 (Las Vegas, NV)

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Reply to: pers-1039266988@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-17, 6:31PM PST

To the woman that crapped in my car. 

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. 

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McFadden's sharing that basket of jalapeno poppers while drinking Guiness. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. 

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive. 

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat... 

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. 

I await your call, 
Tad 

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early.Touché.

• Location: Las Vegas, NV
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1039266988

Shocking

Inventive Prayer

Dear Jesus,

Can you please have someone invent a dryer that turns my socks right side out, and then pair them up in little balls like my mom used to? 

Amen

Brooklyn where you at?

Road Day

Here's a breakdown of my day.

4:00am-wake up

4:30am- leave house for Mammoth

5:30am- pick up Jeremy in Palmdale

8:30am-pulled over by CHP

8:31am- receive ticket for

1. Tinted windows

2. No license plates

3. Speeding

10:00am- arrive at Mammoth Mtn.

12:00pm- leave Mammoth Mtn.

3:00pm- stop at Subway for a foot long...... and a sandwich

5:30pm- drop off Jeremy in Palmdale

6:00pm- see motorcycle accident, and a dead guy on the fwy (no joke)

6:30pm- arrive at home.

Total time in car-11 hours

Miles driven-645

Gas cost- $43

Ticket cost-$754

Moz farted in backseat-69

im on fire today.