When i was young my mother once told me that when people used the term x-mas, it was hurtful to God because it "x'd" out the word Christ. At the same time i was also told that if you rearranged the word Santa...you would get Satan. Christians are a bit nuts at times...but to each their own. The moral of the story here is that i hate....yes hate, the holidays. There is no worse time of the year. People play nice for a few weeks, and then its a crocodile done deal. Heathen bastards, all of them.
So what brings this all to mind is my visit to the mall today. When i first pulled in the parking lot I realized that this recession/depression things was truly no joke.
The good news is that i found a spot, no prob!!! So although the economy is in the shitter....you can always find parking. This is at a BRAND NEW mall too....one of those fancy jams with grass and one of those fountains that squirts water to the sound of holiday music...which by the way sucks. Why didnt Slayer ever come out with a holiday album? How ab
out Gwar? Nothing.....only Sinatra, and Elvis. No offense, those cats are cool and all.....but i like holiday music very riff heavy with double base...call me crazy. So there was the fountain, the music, the empty parking lot, and me.....
I was there for work obviously, because only girls, married dudes, and the limp wristed go to malls without being forced. Grabbed your standard issue 8$ cup of coffee and made my way to Barneys.....thats right bitch...Barneys. My job is just to take pictures, ask a few questions, shake some hands, give em a biz card, and call it a day. That was the easy part. The next part was to meet a girl-friend of mine that worked right by the mall for lunch. let me clarify girl-friend;
This is a girl, that is a friend, that will sleep with me on occasion. Not to be confused with my friend thats a girl. That would be a girl, that is a friend, that wont sleep with me yet. Then of course there is the girlfriend...which is a girl that can deal with me for more than a week.
So we met at this mexican spot that served french fries....w
hich any true self loving latino would spit on the thought of a quesadilla next to french fries....it just doesnt work like that. Thats like having sushi with a side of potato salad....not so much you know? We ate...since ive slept with her previously...she paid. I tried to get out of
there....but she wanted to go shopping. Being the nice guy i am i agreed. What could possibly go wrong right? She needs 1 shirt....should only take a second. After all...the parking lot was empty, so this should be a breeze. Then there she was...........my nightmare.
Yes, please choke yourself.
We could have been out of there in no time....but NO, this lady who seems to have some sort of facination with tennis balls because who the hell would dress like one if you didnt envy one was arguing over half the price of my coffee. Threeeeeee Friiggggin dollars. The store was EMPTY. It was the tennis ball lady, and us. Thats it. I've killed for less. The worst part is that this is just a sign of more of the same to be coming our way. X-mas isnt even here yet. Black Friday has not arrived, yet standing in line while others haggle for a few bucks off seems to be whats in store for my holidays. This is why people shop on the interweb. Luckily there was a nice picture of a model behind the register to keep my mind from melting and spewing hatred towards tennis balls and all things fury.
She's kinda hot. If you look super close, and pretend she's staring right at you, then you will get that same relaxing feeling that i did/ boner....she kinda looks like she's falling asleep..which is the same look as when they're nodding out on good dope, so its totally a turn on. Viola!!!! what tennis ball lady? . Amazing what a cute girl will do for your mind.
She bought her shirt, and we left...but not before i could snap one more photo!!
Thats my girl-friend.